I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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