i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
