I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
