guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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