I'm sorry my penis didn't work
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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