I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
