then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
tell me about the fingering
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
