Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
