i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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