Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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