my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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