what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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