you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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