he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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