Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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