whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
