i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
