She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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