i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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