On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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