I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
