I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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