Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
