That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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