you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize