I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
