Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
