Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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