If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
