And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
