so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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