That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
