yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
