her vagina looked like bernie madoff
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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