should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
