You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
