just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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