walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The uberlube is also flammable
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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