She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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