I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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