i don't like sucking hair
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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