You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
