Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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