I didn't shave. On purpose
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
