i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
