dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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