Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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