Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
