I can tuck mytits in my pants
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
