the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
