**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
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I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
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The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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