1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
