fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
