zippers are such a cool invention
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize