We're facebook friends in real life
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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