I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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