we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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