She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he shaved USA in his pubs
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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