the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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