Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
