Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
